Tales Of Brave Ulysses

Halliburton Gets Contract To Pry Gold Fillings From New Orleans Corpses’ Teeth

September 14, 2005 | Issue 41•37

HOUSTON—On Tuesday, Halliburton received a $110 million no-bid government contract to pry the gold fillings from the mouths of deceased disaster victims in the New Orleans-Gulf Coast area. ‘We are proud to serve the government in this time of crisis by recovering valuable resources from the wreckage of this deadly storm,’ said David J. Lesar, Halliburton’s president. ‘The gold we recover from the human rubble of Katrina can be used to make fighter-jet electronics, supercomputer chips, inflation-proof A-grade investments, and luxury yachting watches.’

This can’t be real, but it is.

U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York on September 14, 2005. World leaders are exploring ways to revitalize the United Nations at a summit on Wednesday but their blueprint falls short of Secretary-General Kofi Annan’s vision of freedom from want, persecution and war.

Oh, and Dubya needs to pinch a loaf.