Daily Archives: 10/09/2004

Holy Crap, It’s A Canyonero

Corporate America takes one from the Simpsons and cooks up the CXT, an “extreme” passenger truck.

Modeled after commercial haulage trucks and dump trucks, the CXT will be the world’s biggest production pick-up truck when it goes on sale later this year, its makers said Monday.

The brainchild of International Truck and Engine Corp., a manufacturer of commercial trucks and mid-range diesel engines, the CXT has been conceived of as a industry-worthy truck with some of the consumer comforts of passenger pick-ups.

The CXT combines towing, dumping and tilt bed capability with 220 hp and 540 lb.-ft. of torque. At six tons, its hauling capability is three times the payload of consumer pick-up trucks.

Buyers will be able to customise their new set of wheels with a leather interior with wood grain trim, reclining captain chairs, a fold-down bench that can be used as a bed, a DVD, and a rear-mounted camera for increased visibility behind the vehicle.

Who the hell would buy this thing? What company needs leather seats, wood paneling and DVD players in their work vehicles? None. This thing is targeted for the idiots that still feel inadequate behind the wheel of the Hummer, or a other similarly oversized SUV’s. This abomination is the ultimate reflection of that king of the hill mentality.

The CXT from International, and probably the stupidest thing I've ever seen

A couple months ago I noticed some SUV ad on TV that poked fun at this mentality; a bemused couple watched their neighbors driving around town in bulldozers, backhoes and road graders. Truth is stranger than fiction. I mean look at that thing. It’s ridiculous, yet I know they will not be able to make enough of those lumbering monstrosities to keep up with demand.

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It’s the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!

Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!
[Krusty:] Hey Hey

The Federal Highway comission has ruled the
Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.

Canyonero!

12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)

She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She’s a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!

Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)

Drive Canyonero!

Woah Canyonero!

Woah!

Fantasy Football

So I’ve been on something of a football posting spree this week. I’ve been busy, and some of the stories coming out of the NFL this season are entertaining.

On the fantasy football front, the Zulus continue their domination of the Guam FFL league. We’re 4-0 right now and at the top of our division. A couple more wins and we’ll be guaranteed a spot in the playoffs.

My other team is floundering. Currently 1-3 and hampered by injuries, I’m hoping to be 2-3 this weekend against the winless Supah Sloh-Moh’s.

Excuse me, time to go watch the debate.